How to Know If You're Normal

See how you compare to other Americans when it comes to your habits and proclivities.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Be a fool for love Don't be embarrassed if you're a fool for love: People fall in love an average of six times in their lifetime. And most of us are hiding a secret passion: 68 percent of men and 59 percent of women have been romantically involved with someone their significant other knows nothing about!
  • Step 2: Feel proud if you pay your taxes Feel proud if you never cheat on your taxes. Between 30 and 40 percent of Americans do.
  • Step 3: Assess your vices See how your vices stack up against other Americans: Forty percent say they've smoked pot, while 15 percent report they've tried cocaine. About half of people surveyed said they had had an alcoholic drink at least once in the previous 30 days.
  • Step 4: Step on the scale Step on the scale. The average American woman weighs 163 pounds. The average American man weighs 190 pounds.
  • Step 5: Time your next sexual encounter Time your next sexual encounter. If you're like almost everyone else, sexual intercourse lasts from 3 to 13 minutes. If you're married, you do it about 66 times a year. Single people get it on 62 times per year.
  • TIP: Nearly 85 percent of men and 45 percent of women who were living with a partner said they had masturbated within the past year.
  • Step 6: Don't lie Don't bother lying about how often you lie: 91 percent of Americans fib on a regular basis -- even about stuff they consider trivial. Isn't the truth shocking?
  • FACT: Sixty percent of Americans have eaten something after it dropped on the floor.

You Will Need

  • Honesty

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