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How to Impress the Crap Out of Your Doctor

Always feel inadequate compared to your learned doctor? Suggest these possible diagnoses for perplexing symptoms, and you'll sound like a genius.


  • : While this video is awesome, it didn't go to medical school. Always consult your doctor for actual medical advice.
  • Step 1: Excessive sweating = chromium deficiency Do you sweat more than the average humanoid? Ask your doctor if you might be low on chromium, an element found in foods like broccoli.
  • Step 2: White eye rings = high cholesterol White rings around your irises? Impress your MD by suggesting a cholesterol check – it could be a sign that it's high.
  • Step 3: Nail biting = calcium deficiency Biting your nails? The habit might be your body's way of getting more calcium – see if your doc agrees with your trenchant analysis. If your nail beds are white, inquire about getting your iron levels checked.
  • TIP: Iron is found in red meat, egg yolks, and leafy greens, among other foods.
  • Step 4: Chocolate = magnesium, carbs = serotonin Discuss your cravings. If you lust after chocolate, see if you might need more magnesium. If you carbo-load in the winter months, ask your doctor whether you might be trying produce more serotonin to elevate your mood. If you snack on peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwiches, raise the possibility that you just may be Elvis.
  • Step 5: Hand under pillow = trouble Talk to your doctor about your sleep habits. Tuck your hand under your head at night? Speculate whether it's because your pillow is too flat, resulting in an incorrect snooze position and a poor night's sleep.
  • TIP: If you're not tired but still rubbing your eyes, posit that your body could be trying to relieve stress – the motion can trigger a reflex that lowers the heart rate. Another indicator of stress? Feeling stressed.
  • Step 6: Excessive earwax = fatty acid deficiency If your doctor finds excessive earwax, question whether you may have a deficiency in essential fatty acids like omega-3, which is found in foods like flaxseed, walnuts, and fish. None of which have ears.
  • FACT: Toxoplasmosis, an infection caused by a common cat parasite, has been linked to higher rates of car accidents – a consequence, researchers believe, of delayed reaction times.

You Will Need

  • Perception

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