How to Turn a Presidential Debate into a Drinking Game
Presidential debates are riddled with clichés. Keep the democratic process interesting, and use the political farce as an opportunity to get faced.
: Call for a chug Don't drink unless you're of legal age. Drink responsibly, and never drink and drive.
Step 1: Gather your group Assemble a decent-sized group of friends and a whole lot of booze. Give everyone a drink, have them pick the name of a candidate out of a hat, and turn on the debate.
Step 2: Drink for political niceties Any empty rhetoric deserves one drink, starting with political niceties. Drink every time your candidate thanks an audience member, moderator, host, political system, mentor, or state.
Step 3: Drink for jargon Take a drink each time your candidate uses jargon or one of their catchphrases -- or states the obvious like it's a revelation.
Step 4: Drink for folksiness Drink at any sign of folksy behavior from your candidate, including accent shifts, use of down-home phrases, or mentions of "small-town roots."
Step 5: Drink for the "average citizen" Drink each time your candidate refers to an "average citizen" they've met in the course of campaigning.
Step 6: Drink for poor timing Have a drink if your candidate's response goes over time, and have another for every 30 seconds after that.
Step 7: Drink twice when it gets personal Drink twice every time your candidate makes a passive-aggressive slur or mentions a scandal. An outright character assassination means it's time for a "social."
TIP: Drink twice when it gets personal A "social" means the whole room takes a drink.
Step 8: Drink twice for an audience reaction Drink twice every time an audience member creates a disturbance by heckling or booing your candidate.
Step 9: Drink three times for Nazi comparisons Drink three times if your candidate utters the word Nazi or Hitler. Drink four if they’re used in comparison to an opponent.
Step 10: Call for a chug If anyone in your group actually feels inspired by a candidate’s answer at any point during the debate, everyone must chug.
FACT: Drinking parties can be traced back to the ancient Greeks, whose booze-fests were called symposia.