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How to Put a Curse on the Yankees

Help bring down those egotistical Bronx Bombers with these spells, hexes, and jinxes.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Put them on a SI cover Create a Sports Illustrated cover mock-up featuring the entire Yankees team: The magazine staff's own research found that either misfortune or a decline in performance befell 37.2 percent of sports figures after they appeared on the cover.
  • Step 2: Get their goat At Yankee Stadium, order two tickets -- one for you, and one for your pet goat. When they inevitably tell you that you can't bring a goat into the stadium, proclaim a curse on the Yankees for banning your beloved pet. In 1945, a fan put a curse on the Chicago Cubs for tossing him and his goat from Wrigley Field. And we all know how that turned out.
  • Step 3: Find a witch Find a witch to take a broom and beat the crap out of a Yankees jersey. That's what a Wiccan priestess from Long Island did to a Boston Red Sox shirt when she heard that a construction worker had buried a Red Sox jersey at the Yankees' new stadium in 2008. And it seemed to work: The Yankees won the World Series the following year.
  • TIP: Ask the witch to wear all black while she casts negative energy on the Yanks.
  • Step 4: Put on a voodoo hex Place a voodoo hex on the players. It worked for pitcher Pedro Borbon, who put a voodoo curse on the Cincinnati Reds in 1979 for trading him. Thus began an 11-year losing streak, which only ended when Borbon agreed to lift the curse; the Reds went on to win the World Series in a 1990 upset.
  • Step 5: Spread some ashes Ask to spread some ashes over Yankee stadium, making up some story about them being the remains of your grandpa, a lifelong fan. Then, distribute the ashes of burned Yankees World Series T-shirts instead. Let's Go Anyone-Who-Is-Not-the-Yankees!
  • FACT: The infamous "Curse of the Muldoon," the story of a successful hex put on the Chicago Black Hawks by fired coach Pete Muldoon during the 1926-27 season, was completely made up by a sportswriter.

You Will Need

  • Sports Illustrated cover mock-up
  • Goat
  • Witch
  • Voodoo hex
  • Yankees' World Series T-shirts
  • Bonfire

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