Updated:: Nov 7, 2018
Original:: Dec 10, 2007

How to Sneak into Your House after Curfew

Beating a curfew is all in the preparation. So take a little time now to get things ready for the next time you find yourself on the wrong side of midnight…

Instructions

Step 1: Practice Practice! When no one is around, make dry runs from the front door to your room until you can do it as noiselessly as possible.
Step 2: Memorize path to room Memorize everything on the path to your room, including creaky floorboards, squeaky doors, and noisy breakables.
TIP: Stick as close to the wall as possible. Over time, most floorboards warp and squeak, but the boards near the wall stay strong.
Step 3: Practice route blindfolded Now practice your route blindfolded. Once you can master that, you’re ready.
TIP: Don’t bother with night vision or camouflage. This is curfew, not a secret war in Nicaragua.
Step 4: Stash nightwear Stash a set of whatever you sleep in somewhere near your home - AHEM - so you can change into your nightwear before creeping inside.
Step 5: Prepare excuse Prepare an excuse in the unfortunate event that you get caught. 'I heard a noise outside and went to investigate' is always good.
TIP: Skip the perfume or cologne on the night in question. The scent may be enough to awaken a sensitive sleeper.
Step 6: Keep doggy treats on hand Keep a few doggy treats on hand so you can quickly quiet any barking dogs.
TIP: If someone is driving you home, have them cut the engine and coast to a stop before your house. Turn off the radio at least a block away—two if you’re playing hip-hop or heavy metal.
Step 7: Be careful with handle Open the front door, step inside, and don’t let go of the handle until you’ve gently closed the door all the way.
TIP: Take only the keys you’ll need so the rest don’t jingle and give you away.
Step 8: Get in bed & stay there Get in bed immediately and stay there. Too much movement in your room is a dead giveaway.
FACT: The word 'curfew,' which is French for 'cover fire,' comes from the medieval practice of ringing a bell at night to remind people to put out their fires before bed.