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How to Date a Vampire

Thirsty for some cold-blooded love? It's easy to find the vampire of your dreams -- just take a page from Twilight.


  • Step 1: Seek stormy skies Move to the Pacific Northwest -- vampires are drawn to the area thanks to its heavy cloud cover. Bonus: you can use the constant rainfall to hide the many tears you'll shed over the difficulties of romance between humans and immortals.
  • Step 2: Give 'em a whiff Stand in front of a large fan so your beloved can pick up your scent easily. Try to move in slow motion so your hair blows in the wind seductively, exposing your most prime piece of real estate -- your neck.
  • TIP: Vampires have an uncanny sense of smell. There's no need to stop showering for them to catch a whiff of your personal scent.
  • Step 3: Layer up Wear extra layers. Vampires are freezing to the touch; invest in sweaters, gloves, and flannel PJs to cozy up to them … while still staying cozy. And don't forget extra blankets -- keeping your window open at night so your honey can climb in to watch you sleep is romantic, but awfully chilly.
  • Step 4: Befriend the family Be kind to your vampire's family; you're sharing their secret, too. Above all else, try to avoid shedding blood in their presence -- the tiniest paper cut can severely test even the friendliest vampire's self-control.
  • TIP: Befriending their sibling can bring you closer to your beloved.
  • Step 5: Join in Try new experiences. Thunderstorm baseball, running through the forest at top speed, and last-minute trips to Italy will bring you closer together -- or help you meet enemy vampires who want to eat you alive.
  • TIP: Remember: kiddie vampires are no less dangerous than older ones.
  • Step 6: Be patient Be patient! Proceed slowly on the physical side, or you run the risk of getting killed. Or at least severely bruised. Stick to chaste, fleeting kisses -- unless you decide to become a vampire yourself.
  • FACT: According to some accounts, werewolves and vampires are natural enemies -- and, in their human form, they love to remove their shirts.

You Will Need

  • Bad weather
  • Large fan
  • Layers
  • Kindness
  • New experiences
  • Self-control

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