How to Freeze Yourself & Live Forever

In a world where death and disease remain the final frontiers, you can be one of the first pioneers to challenge mortality. All you have to do is cut off your head.

Instructions

  • : While this video is awesome, it didn't go to medical school. Always consult your doctor for actual medical advice.
  • Step 1: Choose an organization Pick a cryonics organization that provides preservation services. Ask yourself, where would I like to lie entombed for hundreds, even thousands of years -- while I wait for death to be eliminated from the planet?
  • Step 2: Pick a method Choose between standard preservation, where the entire body is frozen, and neuropreservation, where the brain alone will be revived and attached to a genetically engineered body.
  • TIP: Don't like the cold? You could always extend your brain life the old-fashioned way, by eating healthy and exercising.
  • Step 3: Save up Start saving. Neuropreservation starts at around $80,000, while standard full-body preservation will set you back anywhere from $30,000 to a cool $150K.
  • TIP: Not willing to go into debt -- for all eternity? Quitting smoking will save you money and improve your health.
  • Step 4: Pig out Go whole hog. Remember, in the future, disease is eliminated, so stuff your face with trans fats now. Sure, you may die sooner, but when you awake, clogged arteries will be a thing of the past.
  • TIP: On the other hand, if you're interested in ever meeting your grandkids in this lifetime, walking 30 minutes a day can cut your risk of premature death.
  • Step 5: Stand by Because postmortem procedures should begin immediately upon legal death, you'll need a team ready at a moment's notice. Consider relocating, or pay in advance to have your body rushed to the facility.
  • Step 6: Go forth Face the future with a clear conscience, knowing you've done all you can to make yourself ready. You're a hero for this time -- and beyond. Go forth, bold cryo-naut -- we salute you!
  • FACT: People who have had their bodies frozen include Austin Powers, Han Solo, and -- in real life --baseball legend Ted Williams.

You Will Need

  • Cryonics organization
  • Immortality wish
  • Money
  • Healthy attitude (optional)

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