How to Heckle the Other Team's Fans

Chomping at the bit to support your team? Get in the game by learning to heckle the other team's fans.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Know thy enemy Learn the enemy's weaknesses -- a star player's issues, their city's dubious distinctions, or their habit of choking down the stretch -- to use as fodder for your taunts.
  • Step 2: Keep it short Make your insults concise, so you can get your taunts out before another play makes them irrelevant. Short comments are also easier to remember if you're drunk.
  • Step 3: Think before you speak Add wit to your heckling -- a few smart barbs can pierce even the thickest-skinned rival. Don't get too clever, though, or your jabs might not land at all.
  • Step 4: Time it right Find the perfect heckling moment. Look for times when the other team makes an error, when your team makes an especially big play, or when an opposing team's fan makes a sudden and total ass of themselves.
  • TIP: Surround yourself with sympathetic fans who can laugh, cheer, and boost your confidence.
  • Step 5: Have a comeback Stay focused -- a great follow-up taunt to your rival's inevitable comeback will cement your reputation as a heckling master.
  • TIP: Base your follow-ups on your opponent's comments to show you can think on your feet.
  • Step 6: Show mercy Don't go overboard; once you've embarrassed your target a little and won your peers' respect, let it go if you want to live to heckle another day.
  • FACT: The term "heckler" originated in 19th-century Scotland, where workers who heckled -- or combed out -- flax were known for teasing visiting politicians at public meetings.

You Will Need

  • Information
  • Wit
  • Brevity
  • Timing
  • Comeback

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