How to Escape a Close Talker

Next time someone stands so close to you that they're fogging up your eyeglasses, try one of these evasive maneuvers.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Lean into them Lean towards them. That's right: get even closer to their face. It sounds counterintuitive, but you'll break through their miniscule personal space wall, forcing them to take a step back.
  • Step 2: Fake a sneeze Open your mouth and flare your nostrils as though a big ol' sneeze is about to spray thousands of snot particles all over their face.
  • Step 3: Inquire about their breath Ask them if they just ate garlic. Unless they have no sense of shame, they'll immediately open up the distance between you.
  • TIP: They might even be so embarrassed by the implication of bad breath that they'll leave altogether.
  • Step 4: Spray them While they're talking, collect some saliva in your mouth so that when it's your turn to talk, you hit them with a little spittle.
  • Step 5: Tell them you're claustrophobic Ask them to take a step back, explaining that you're pathologically claustrophobic. In fact, if you don't get some space, you might vomit. If that doesn't make them take a step back, nothing will.
  • FACT: Actor Judge Reinhold played "Aaron the Close Talker" in a 1994 Seinfeld episode.

You Will Need

  • Fake sneeze
  • Rude question
  • Spittle
  • White lie
  • Bluntness

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