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How to Overcome Jealousy

Love, they say, can be a form of madness, but letting jealousy overwhelm you can have a negative impact on any relationship. Get to work getting your emotions under control.


  • Step 1: Write it down Write your suspicions about the relationship on paper or in a journal. Evaluate these thoughts as objectively as possible to prevent emotional confusion. Realistically challenge the reasons for the jealousy.
  • Step 2: Reflect on patterns Reflect on patterns of your own personal behavior and your level of self-esteem rather than always focusing on your partner's life. Identify whether you're both putting equal and honest effort into the relationship.
  • TIP: Having surgery or changing a hair style to boost confidence fails to address the root of insecurity, which could be causing the jealousy. If someone is cheating, it will take more than good looks to get them back.
  • Step 3: Consider prior experience Consider whether prior relationship experience or your history with an ex were characterized by similar issues of possessiveness, prompting a general mistrust for any partner in a similar relationship.
  • Step 4: Talk to someone Talk to someone, friend or professional, to learn whether they have gone through a similar time in their life. A therapist can provide an unbiased view.
  • Step 5: Refuse to compare Refuse to compare personal traits or worth with others and deny the compelling urge to envy and resent anyone. Jealousy can indicate dissatisfaction with something in ourselves. Instead of giving in, seek peace and acceptance.
  • Step 6: Break out Break out of the negativity and exercise, read, and cool down before having a confrontation. Practice rational thinking in a quiet place and overcome the need to blame.
  • TIP: Some of us need the drama of jealousy to feel worth or excitement in our lives or to reignite a waning desire, which is much harder to accept.
  • Step 7: Confront them Confront the partner openly about apprehensions and ask directly about suspicions. Agree to new rules on behavior for both you and your partner to avert more incidents and establish a foundation of trust.
  • FACT: "Facebook Rage," a type of cyber-bullying characterized by jealous partners stalking their partners online, resulted in a teen being jailed in 2010 for posting threatening remarks on an ex-girlfriend's Facebook page.

You Will Need

  • Reflection
  • Friends
  • Therapist
  • Confidence
  • Rationality
  • Guts

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