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How to Hide an Unwanted Erection in School

It’s great to know the thing is working, but getting an erection in school can be really embarrassing.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Wear oversized shirts If erections in school have become a daily problem, buy long buttoned shirts that you can wear outside your jeans, or wear oversized sweatshirts and tees.
  • Step 2: Carry a book bag Always have a book bag with extra long straps with you—one that won’t look odd when it’s slung over one shoulder so it hangs down low in front. This will be a lifesaver when class ends and you have to jump out of your seat.
  • Step 3: Wear baggy jeans Wear baggy jeans or khakis. When your little buddy jumps to attention at an inopportune time, you can slip your hands in your pockets and casually push the pants material away from your groin, making the bulge less noticeable.
  • TIP: Ejaculating more often can solve a spontaneous erection problem.
  • Step 4: Do a complicated math problem Once you’ve done your best to camouflage the problem, it’s time to get rid of it altogether. Doing a complicated math problem in your head often works, since it forces you to focus on something else.
  • Step 5: Tense your legs Tense your quadriceps—the muscles in front of your legs. This redirects the blood flow away from Mr. Happy, taking the wind out of his sails, so to speak.
  • Step 6: Pinch yourself Now pinch yourself—not in an 'aren’t I lucky?' kind of way but to bring tears to your eyes. The pain should do the trick.
  • Step 7: Walk on your heels If all else fails, walk around on the heels of your feet. This has worked for many a hormonally charged young man. And if it doesn’t, you’ll look so dorky that no one will notice your budding manhood.
  • FACT: The average length of an erect penis is 5.1 inches.

You Will Need

  • An oversized shirt
  • sweatshirt
  • or t-shirt
  • A book bag with long straps
  • Baggy jeans or khakis

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