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How to Decide If It's Worth Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Decide if it's worth trying to get your ex back by carefully examining your relationship history.


  • Step 1: Discuss the issue Discuss with your ex if things were left up in the air about what went wrong. Pay attention to using good communication. If the conversation goes poorly, old wounds won't heal, and you should move on.
  • Step 2: Examine loneliness Examine whether the impulse to reconsider comes from your discomfort with being alone. Realize that it's better to be alone and feel content than it is to be with someone and feel miserable.
  • TIP: If you get intimate with your ex after your breakup, don't automatically assume that that means you should get back together.
  • Step 3: Save the trouble Save yourself the grief if the desire to get back with the ex is borne of jealousy. You'll need your strength to move on, and jealousy is not a good use of your energy.
  • Step 4: Date others Go on a few dates with other people to gain perspective. If you're meant to get back together with your ex, you should be able to survive a period of seeing other people while you sort out your feelings.
  • Step 5: Avoid abuse Figure out if you were trying to fix them. Did you try to help them solve problems that, in retrospect, they hadn't shown much interest in addressing? Realize that only your ex can choose to change their own life.
  • Step 6: Ask questions Ask yourself if you like the person you are when you're around your ex. Do they bring out your best qualities? Do they appreciate you for who you really are? If the answer is no, it's probably not worth trying to get your ex back.
  • FACT: A 2004 film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, depicts exes who had their memories erased after a painful breakup. It ends with them running down a snow-covered beach where their romance started, starting all over again.

You Will Need

  • Discussion
  • Examination
  • List
  • Dating
  • Personal questions

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