Quick Tips: How to Cool Your Garage

Transcript

Jack: You're a very sweet-looking girl to be holding such a big gun.

Woman 1: I know how to use it, mister.

Jack: I'm sure you do. So how about pointing it over there in the direction of Hollywood instead of at me, Princess?

Woman 1: You're quite the wise guy.

Jack: I don't normally shoot women, Princess. How about putting the cannon down? I didn't think you had the guts, sweetheart. I was never very good at reading women. Throw out the guns!

Monroe: Jack Kelso.

Jack: That's my opening negotiating position.

Monroe: You crazy son of a bitch! How did you get in here? I'm bleeding to death! Get me a doctor!

Jack: I thought I had an invitation, Monroe. Your boys outside were certainly expecting me. That's my second offer.

Monroe: You sadistic bastard! What do you want?

Jack: I'm going to take a look around, Monroe. Then I want you to tell me what you know about the Mayor and those Trojan houses that you're building. That's a hell of a payroll. I'm guessing Benson's portfolio is only a fraction the size of yours, Monroe. Smart. Keep the dirt on Fontaine under lock and key. This is your insurance. Some sold up. The others obviously didn't know the lengths these sons of bitches would go to. The Suburban Redevelopment Fund. Remind me what they say about absolute power, Monroe?

Monroe: Fuck you, Jack. Call me an ambulance already!

Courtney: Dr. Fontaine? I need to speak with you urgently.

Dr. Fontaine: Sit down, please sit down.

Courtney: Tell me about the Suburban Redevelopment Fund.

Dr. Fontaine: It's the fund we are using to channel money into the development of new houses.

Courtney: Why is my name on the board of managers?

Dr. Fontaine: Technically you are a major contributor. Please, Courtney, sit down.

Courtney: Those houses are a sham, Doctor. They're going to be burned for the insurance.

Dr. Fontaine: That's a scandalous allegation, Courtney. Do you have any proof?

Courtney: Jack Kelso, an investigator for California Fire and Life, has seen them. He was almost killed when he found out what was going on.

Dr. Fontaine: I don't know what to say. I feel that I have been duped. Who do you think is behind this subterfuge?

Courtney: Jack says it's a property developer named Monroe. He said it goes all the way to the Mayor.

Dr. Fontaine: You cannot have believed that I was involved?

Courtney: I don't know what to believe anymore, Doctor. I hope that you weren't involved.

Dr. Fontaine: Thank you for your trust, dear boy. Be still, Courtney. All of your troubles are finally over. Let them go. Let them drift away.

Monroe: It can't be stopped, Kelso. There's too much money at stake.

Jack: Kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall, Monroe. Ask the Emperor of Japan.

Monroe: Have some fucking mercy.

Jack: Operator, put me through to Phelps, Arson Squad. Yeah, Biggs, it's Jack. I'm at Monroe's, he's in a talkative mood. If you get here in a hurry you might get something before he bleeds to death. Elsa? Where?

Monroe: Thank God.

Jack: Fontaine... Dead. A former patient?

Monroe: So, that crazy son of a bitch finally came back for a checkup.

Jack: It's Monroe, he's raving.

Monroe: You want information, cocksucker, you get me some medical help.

Jack: I've gotta go, Herschel. Monroe's negotiating again. Do you want my final offer, Leland? Tell me how I find the guy who has Elsa!

Monroe: The nutcase. He did whatever Fontaine asked. He had some kind of power over him. He did all of the fires and then he went off the rails-

Jack: A name, Monroe!

Monroe: I don't have a fucking name! He worked as a bug sprayer. Get me a goddamned doctor! Kelso, you son of a whore. Get me a goddamned doctor!