How to Fight Pirates

Captain Jack Sparrow may make it look easy in _Pirates of the Caribbean_, but fighting pirates is not for the faint of heart. Here are some high-tech ways to fend them off.

You will need

  • Citadel
  • Long Range Acoustic Device
  • Mobility Denial System
  • Force 80 Water Cannon
  • Sword skills
  • Protective headsets (optional)

Step 1 Build a citadel Create a citadel — a safe room built into the ship that the crew can barricade themselves in if pirates come on board. It should have mechanisms to control the ship, emergency rations, a safe air supply, surveillance cameras, and external communication equipment. That way, you won’t have to fight pirates.

Step 2 Explode their eardrums Set off a Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD — a high-powered loudspeaker that launches a verbal assault on pirates when they’re still a mile away. That may deter a good percentage, since they depend on the element of surprise. For the rest, set off the LRAD’s “deterrent tone” — a sound so intense that it causes extreme pain to anyone it’s being beamed at; it can even cause permanent hearing damage.

Step 3 Slip them up Deploy the Mobility Denial System — a slippery, non-toxic foam that makes any surface too slick to walk on. Spray the stuff on your ship and theirs and it will be impossible for them to board your vessel.

Step 4 Soak them Shoot off the Force 80 Water Cannon — a stainless steel, remote-controlled gun that can send 1,400 gallons of water per minute 100 yards in any direction; it will flood the pirates’ boat in minutes.

Step 5 Develop your sword skills Nothing managed to scare them off? Then you’d better dust off your sword skills — or prepare to walk the plank.