Publish date:
Updated on

How to Fight Pirates

Captain Jack Sparrow may make it look easy in _Pirates of the Caribbean_, but fighting pirates is not for the faint of heart. Here are some high-tech ways to fend them off.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Build a citadel Create a citadel -- a safe room built into the ship that the crew can barricade themselves in if pirates come on board. It should have mechanisms to control the ship, emergency rations, a safe air supply, surveillance cameras, and external communication equipment. That way, you won't have to fight pirates.
  • Step 2: Explode their eardrums Set off a Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD -- a high-powered loudspeaker that launches a verbal assault on pirates when they're still a mile away. That may deter a good percentage, since they depend on the element of surprise. For the rest, set off the LRAD's "deterrent tone" -- a sound so intense that it causes extreme pain to anyone it's being beamed at; it can even cause permanent hearing damage.
  • TIP: Hand out protective headsets before you set off the LRAD so you don't deafen your own crew!
  • Step 3: Slip them up Deploy the Mobility Denial System -- a slippery, non-toxic foam that makes any surface too slick to walk on. Spray the stuff on your ship and theirs and it will be impossible for them to board your vessel.
  • Step 4: Soak them Shoot off the Force 80 Water Cannon -- a stainless steel, remote-controlled gun that can send 1,400 gallons of water per minute 100 yards in any direction; it will flood the pirates' boat in minutes.
  • TIP: Install the Force 80 controls inside the ship so the pirates can't shoot the person operating it.
  • Step 5: Develop your sword skills Nothing managed to scare them off? Then you'd better dust off your sword skills -- or prepare to walk the plank.
  • FACT: There were 445 reported pirate attacks on shipping vessels in 2010, mostly off the coast of Somalia.

You Will Need

  • Citadel
  • Long Range Acoustic Device
  • Mobility Denial System
  • Force 80 Water Cannon
  • Sword skills
  • Protective headsets (optional)

Transcript

Jason: Where am I? What the hell?

Dennis: You are awake. Well, not all of you. The arm has been deadened to allow for the tatau. It is brave to swim in a storm, but to sunbathe on a beach with pirates? Insanity. You have the right to take my life, but I know I will also take yours. I am Dennis.

Jason: Jason.

Dennis: Bangau, Labah-labah, the heron, the shark, and the spider. I know who you are, Jason. You are a warrior. And the tatau will allow for you to reveal your true self.

Jason: Listen. My older brother has been killed. I need to find my younger brother and four other friends.

Dennis: Come with me.

Jason: So, you'll help me?

Dennis: No, you can only help yourself. I am going to free you.

Jason: How did I get here?

Dennis: I found you on the beach. Welcome to Amanaki Village. It is something, isn't it, huh? Selamat tengahari. I have Jason Brody with me. The man who escaped Vaas' camp alive. Your escape is a sign that the battle has turned. Our people are in need of good news.

Jason: So, these are your people?

Dennis: The island calls to the strongest. It called to me. The island dwellers, the Rakyat, accepted. And I became a member of their tribe. They are something, aren't they?

Jason: Beautiful. Most definitely.

Dennis: I could have anyone I choose. But my will is set on one woman. Here, cash for weapons. You want to save your brother, right?

Jason: I've never shot anyone before.

Dennis: What do they say in America? There is a first time for everything. Vaas uses the towers to map the island and to locate his men. Scramblers block access. Our people have no use for devices such as these, but you, you will learn valuable information from them. Yes! The scramblers are at the top. Each tower covers a limited area. Climb them all and you will reveal the entire map.

Jason: That must be the radio tower. Don't look down.

Popular Categories