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How to Get Kicked in the Nuts

Some guys have a real knack for getting kicked in the nuts. Follow these tips to put the "ow" in "how."

Instructions

  • Step 1: Inflame a female professional Inflame a female professional by asking to speak to a "real" doctor, lawyer, banker, police officer -- any line of work "only a man" could ever succeed at.
  • TIP: This can work on men, too -- try referring to a male flight attendant as a "stewardess."
  • Step 2: Enrage a stranger Ask a woman who's packing a few extra pounds if she's expecting. If she's too old to be pregnant, ask her if she's on the "see food" diet -- eating all the food she sees.
  • Step 3: Incense your date After a first date, inquire whether you're actually going to "get some," or you just wasted an entire evening listening to her babble.
  • Step 4: Rile your girlfriend Rile your girlfriend by blatantly checking out every specimen that passes by. Bonus points for openly flirting.
  • TIP: Whenever she gets angry, ask if it's "that time of the month."
  • Step 5: Have dangerous sex Have unsafe sex -- and we don't mean skip the condoms. Bed your woman's mother, sister, or BFF.
  • Step 6: Track down Bill Buckner Want to go the extra mile to get kicked in the nuts? Track down former Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner and ask him if he still feels bad about bobbling that ball.
  • FACT: Getting kicked in the nuts isn't felt in the testicles themselves, but in the abdomen -- the pain travels up the inguinal canal, the path the testicles took when they first descended in the embryonic stage.

You Will Need

  • Sexism
  • Rudeness
  • Unsafe sex
  • Bill Buckner

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