- Step 1: Berate a minion Berate a minion, preferably in public. Stick to a profanity-laced verbal lashing, or include physical violence, like throwing a telephone at someone's head or attacking their car with an umbrella.
- TIP: Take your temper tantrum to the next level with racism or misogyny.
- Step 2: Act psychotic Behave psychotically during your celebrity meltdown: Wander the streets babbling incoherently; break into a stranger's home to take a nap; hide in someone's bushes; or say you'll take everyone to heaven in a spaceship.
- Step 3: Display arrogance Display breathtaking arrogance by claiming to have superior knowledge or supernatural powers. Make it clear that you truly believe you are better than everyone else and -- gosh darn it -- you're no longer going to pretend otherwise.
- Step 4: Get caught in a sex scandal Become embroiled in a sex scandal in a way that has people scratching their heads and thinking, "Did they want to get caught?"
- TIP: Offer a flimsy excuse, like you were just trying to counsel that transvestite.
- Step 5: Play the blame game Blame your celebrity meltdown on addiction or abuse. Or check yourself into the hospital for "exhaustion" -- a condition that seems to affect pampered stars disproportionately compared with the average working stiff.
- Step 6: Enjoy your comeback Enjoy your comeback! Because there's no celebrity meltdown so great that you can't rebound from it -- and be a bigger jackass than ever.
- FACT: 30 percent of Americans believe singing sensation Justin Bieber will be in celebrity rehab by the time he's 30.
You Will Need
- Minion to berate
- Psychotic behavior
- Sex scandal
- Rehab or hospital
- Racism (optional)
- Misogyny (optional)
- Flimsy excuse (optional)
- Soundproofing and recording equipment (optional)