Updated:
Original:

How to Make a B Movie

Revel in only the cheesiest, most absurd, so-bad-it's-good kind of movies? Then you, my friend, are a B movie fan! Here's how to make one.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Know what a B movie is Know what a B movie is: Once the second-billed movie of a double feature, today it means any super low-budget, formulaic film. So go ahead put that Oscar-worthy script away.
  • Step 2: Choose a genre Decide what kind of B movie you want to make. Consider genres like horror, sci-fi, monster, exploitation, and kung fu, but don't be afraid to mix and match for some true B movie magic.
  • Step 3: Write a script Pen your script, and don't you dare skimp on the corniness! Keep the plot paper-thin and the dialogue simple. Throw in some choice one-liners for your hero when the melodrama reaches a fever pitch.
  • Step 4: Cast actors Cast the hammiest actors you can find. When making a B movie, looks definitely trump talent, so words like "overacting" and "over-the-top" only mean your movie will be overly awesome!
  • TIP: If your B movie calls for a damsel in distress, be sure she can shriek bloody murder and faint on cue -- often in that order.
  • Step 5: Start filming! Once you've gathered low-budget props and jury-rigged a shoddy set, you're ready to start filming your B movie! Don't get caught up in trivial technicalities like the action going out of frame or a visible boom mike, but do keep 2 words in mind: Dramatic. Close-ups.
  • Step 6: Hold a screening Once your film's in the can, hold a screening of your masterpiece. After all, half of the joy of B movies is having someone to watch -- and laugh -- with!
  • FACT: The parasitic jewel wasp turns cockroaches into zombies by injecting venom into their brains and laying an egg in their abdomens, where its larvae then hatch… and eat.

You Will Need

  • Knowledge of B movies
  • Genre
  • Corny script
  • Hammy actors
  • Props
  • Set
  • Damsel in distress (optional)

Transcript

How to say, "You're welcome" in Italian. "Prego." You're welcome. Prego. You're welcome. Prego. Now you try.

To say "No problem," "Non c'è problema." Not a problem. Non c'è problema. Not a problem. Non c'è problema. Now you try.

To say "Anytime," "Sempre." Anytime. Sempre. Anytime. Sempre. Now you try.

And to say, "My pleasure," "è stato un piacere." It was a pleasure. È stato un piacere. Now you try.

And that's how you say "You're welcome" in Italian.

Popular Categories