Computer: Good morning. You have been in suspension for 50 days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise. There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it. This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. Good. Now, please return to your bed.
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine. This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should vacate the enrichment center immediately.
Speaker 1: Hello? Anyone in there? Hello? God, god, you look . . . Good, looking good actually. Are you okay? Don't answer that. I'm actually sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Computer: Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Speaker 1: Stay calm! Stay calm. Prepare is all it's saying. Prepare. It's all fine. All right? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here. Oh, you might want to hang on to something. Word of advice. Up to you. You all right down there? Can you hear me? Hello? Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for quite a lot longer and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, all right? Although, if you do feel alarmed, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told that you've got brain damage. Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me. Just say yes. Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just jumped. But never mind. Say "Apple." "Apple." Okay. You know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Computer: All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Speaker 1: Okay, look. I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I'm in pretty hot water here. How are you doing down there? You still holding on? The reserve power ran out, so of course, the whole relaxation center starts waking up the bloody test subjects. Hold on! This is a bit tricky. And of course no one tells me anything. No, one shouldn't tell me anything. Why should I be kept informed? You know, about the life functions of the 10,000 bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of.
All right, it's close. Can you see? Am I going to make it through? Have I got enough space? Just got to get through here. All right. Just got to concentrate. And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds 10,000 flipping vegetables? I hate that one. I hate that one. Okay, listen. We should get out of storage straight. All right? If anyone asks, and no one's gonna ask, don't worry, but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked everyone looked pretty much alive. All right? Not dead. Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there that we're going to need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready!
Good news, that is not a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical, hold on. Almost there. Remember, you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but don't worry, you'll figure it out. Seriously, do hold on this time. There we go. Now, I'll be honest. You are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet, but at least you're a good jumper. So, you've got that, got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead. That's the spirit! Good luck!
Computer: Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance, beyond our control. However, thanks to emergency testing protocols, testing can continue. These prerecorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse. The portal will open, and emergency testing will begin in three, two, one.
Cube and button based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency. If cube and button based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim. Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science material emancipation grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through.