Cave Johnson: Welcome gentlemen to Amateur Science. Astronauts, war heroes, millenniums, you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So, who is ready to make some science?
Caroline: I am.
Cave Johnson: Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over so let me introduce myself. I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant, rest assured she is transferring your [inaudible 02:13] to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right Caroline?
Caroline: Yes sir, mister Johnson.
Cave Johnson: She's the backbone of this facility, pretty as a postcard too. Sorry fellas, she's married, to science.
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres, I can't personally oversee every one of them so these prerecorded messages will cover any questions you might have and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure. Your test assignment will vary depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we are postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got much better tests for you. Fighting in the army of Mantis Men, pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line, you'll know when the test starts.
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests please let a test associate know because in all likelihood whatever comes out of you is going to be cold. Only temporary so do not worry, if it persists for a week though start worrying and come see us because that's not supposed to happen.
Just a heads up, we're going to have a super conductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do, probably nothing. Best case scenario you might get some super powers, worst case some tumors, which we'll cut out.
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline, that's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is it's working.
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants, not here. At Amateur we do all our science from scratch, no hand holding.