All right, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call, repulsion gel. You're not part of the control group by the way, you get the gel. Last poor son-of-a-gun got blue paint. Ha ha ha. All joking aside that did happen, broke every bone in his legs. Tragic but informative or so I'm told.
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I ought to stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea, make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
For this next test we put nano particles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors. Now maybe you don't have any tumors. Well don't worry, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me. Do not get covered in the repulsion gel. We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet but I'll tell you this. It's a lively one and it does not like the human skeleton.