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How to Handle Your School's Football Obsession When You Don't Care

Endure the mass hysteria known as football season with these mildly subversive tactics.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Tweak the team colors Forced to wear team colors to show your school spirit? Wear shades that are close, but a little bit off. You'll feel like less of a lemming without pissing off the football jocks.
  • Step 2: Ditch the pep rallies Ditch the pep rallies however you can. If anyone asks where you were, whisper "stomach troubles" and they'll leave you alone.
  • TIP: No way to escape the pep rally? Stay seated when the team enters as your silent protest.
  • Step 3: Keep photos handy Scan the internet for funny, weird, or shocking photos to keep on your phone. Anytime someone wants to talk football, use them to change the subject.
  • Step 4: Start a group Vent with like-minded people in an "I Hate Football" group. Make plans together for game nights, when the rest of a town is at the stadium.
  • Step 5: Have a happy place When all else fails, have a happy place to go to in your head when everyone around you is boring you to tears with their football obsession. And remember: sooner or later, you'll graduate!
  • FACT: TV star Ryan Seacrest played football for the Dunwoody High School Wildcats in Atlanta.

You Will Need

  • Offbeat school colors
  • Compelling photos
  • "I Hate Football" group
  • Happy place

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