When Women Can't Orgasm

Learn why some women have trouble climaxing from sex therapist Dr. Megan Fleming in this Howcast video about the psychology of sex.

Transcript

So the first thing I want you to understand if you are a man looking at this video and wondering what happens when your female partner is having difficulty having an orgasm is to realize it may not be about you. Often in my clinical practice when women are having difficulty reaching orgasm it's often they have never had an orgasm with a partner and sometimes they can't have an orgasm on their own with self stimulation. Frequently they come in and are like my new partner he is frustrated he thinks it's about him so not only do women sometimes have difficulty just being in the moment to relax and let go if all of a sudden they are now focused on the pressure that they are feeling for you to give them an orgasm it's only adding more unwanted ingredients to the mix. The tip I can give you is to just focus on pleasure. So often we focus on orgasm as this, in a sense, performance of sexuality and we miss the real gem here which is if you focus on her pleasure and neither of you are focused on what happens and doesn't happen I can assure you it's way more likely to happen. It's when you allow her to feel how turned on you are by her and really take time to give her the foreplay that she needs and to pace the sexual experience so that she's gonna be most optimally aroused. And even when she says no no no or stop stop stop you can, after the fact, wonder with her what would happen if I continue to stimulate. Because sometimes I think women get to that point when they think they can't handle any more, and I think that is an opportunity for discussion: what would it look like if you continue to give her that stimulation. So the most important tip I can give you here is there are lots of reasons a woman may not be having an orgasm. I would wonder if it's common and you are not the first partner that she is experiencing this with or perhaps she is not yet fully relaxed which is common especially if it's a new relationship. But the tips in either case are exactly the same: take that focus off to the side and focus on the pleasure because in time when you do the exploration and really try new things and focus on each other's pleasure, in time I can assure you it will happen.

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