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How to Keep Monogamy Hot

Learn how to keep monogamy hot from sex therapist Dr. Megan Fleming in this Howcast video about the psychology of sex.


So, today we are hearing all these stories about can monogamy really still exist. I can tell you personally, I've been married 12 years and have two kids. And the way to keep your sex life alive and fresh is by putting new energy into it. When you explore and think about all the ways that not only have you turned each other on but it's almost like a library. It's kind of thinking about hmm, what would I like to try and it's a mind-set. When you can still look at your partner with that sense of desire. One of the biggest turn-ons is feeling desired by your partner. So it has so much to do with how you treat each other and show up in your relationship. Because when you show up with sort of enthusiasm and adventure and a sense of excitement and focusing on possibilities, I assure you, how that translates in the bedroom is limitless. But unfortunately, many couples fall into what I call scripted sex. And all of a sudden, it becomes very mechanical and ritualized and for many somewhat boring. It just becomes sex that doesn't feel worth having. So, you have to take a step back and think if you're having sex that doesn't feel worth having, what happened? What shifted in your relationship? Is it something going on in terms of just your sex life? Or are there other disappointments or frustrations that are unfortunately are spilling over into your bedroom? The reality is there's no reason that sex life needs to be monotonous. Forget even just toys and fantasies and role play and lots of ways that you can create new experiences. But it really has to do with your mind-set. Because of the intimacy of this monogamous relationship and all the intimate ways in which you know each other, you're not only gonna have the safety to do the exploration, but you're also gonna have the wonderful intimacy that helps you to want to stretch further and really push each other's boundaries. So that in time, actually you're gonna experience more with this one person than you probably ever have allowed yourself to with anyone else. So, seize this opportunity and make your relationship and sex life the best life and the best sex that you can.

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