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How to Get in the Mood for Sex

Learn how to get in the mood for sex from sex therapist Dr. Megan Fleming in this Howcast video about the psychology of sex and sexual desire.

Transcript

So, if you're looking at this question about how to get yourself in the mood for sex, I think generally it may surprise you that, if you're a man, you're finding yourself in this position.

I think it's one of the hardest things to realize that, culturally, we just assume that men are always interested in wanting. But, that doesn't really take into account the reality that, you know, sometimes you're just feeling exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed.

You may be a bit older. In your forties, fifties, sixties. And, you know what, sex is no longer top of mind. And, unfortunately, it still may very well be for your partner.

And so, the part I want you to get is first of all, to normalize it and realize there is nothing wrong with you.

But, at the same time we all have a responsibility to keep our pilot light on.

So, if you find yourself generally not feeling turned on, it's probably because too many other things are grabbing your attention that are generally just not sexy in nature.

So, one of the things I recommend for clients is to, you know, start with some erotic reading. Or, looking at some pornography. Just seeing whether or not on your own, without your partner and no pressure. You know, is it a little titillating? Can you feel a little bit of your arousal building?

You kind of want to simmer your arousal. And that doesn't mean that you want to take that experience and have it end in ejaculation. You kind of want to hold onto that sexual energy.

And see whether or not, through visualization and imagining, how you want an experience to go when your partner gets home or they're available, how you're going to take that energy to create an experience.

And by this, I just want you to know it doesn't have to mean penetrative sex. There are many ways that you can receive and give pleasure that you both can absolutely enjoy that is not dependent on having an erection.

So, take responsibility for your own arousal. Realize that if it's not actively turned on, you can begin to simmer that yourself. And, when you feel you're ready, bring it to your partner.

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