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How to Forgive

Learn how to forgive from life coach Stephanie Florman in this Howcast video.

Transcript

Forgiveness is a choice and for many of us it's a difficult choice. Because it involves acknowledging that we have been hurt and realizing that another person has hurt us. Now when it comes to forgiveness, we have to look at hurt and realize that there are 2 different types of hurt. There are people who look to hurt us deliberately, they have bad intentions, they are deliberate and they are malicious and and that is a hard hurt to overcome. Then there are people who hurt us by default just by being in a relationship with us. They don't wake up in the morning and say how can I hurt this person or how could I make them feel really bad. It's just the process of growing with someone and and learning about them. So when it comes to forgiving another person you have to look at the intention behind their actions: were they looking to hurt you or did they hurt you because i'ts a by-product of learning about you. After you separate their intentions your work begins because forgiveness is not about the other person it's actually about you. When we make a decision to forgive another person what we are saying is that what you did to me you really did to me. But I have the choice to how I am going to react to what you did to me. When we are stuck in a place of anger or hurt or resentment you know we are are stuck in a story and it's a trap and the person who hurt us it also traps. It creates barriers, it creates walls and it creates obstacles to intimacy or to clarity or to harmony. So the best thing that that you can do is choose forgiveness. You are not doing it for them you are doing it for you. A lot of times we make forgiveness this big gesture oh! I decided to forgive you, or oh that person is till moving on, on making some choices they are still doing their own thing. Forgiveness is really a choice that you are making for yourself. It;s a choice that says yes what happens to me really happens me and there is no questioning that but I am not going to allow that story to control my self-worth or dictate my life any longer.

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