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How to Manage Your Anger

Learn how to use anger management from life coach Stephanie Florman in this Howcast video.

Transcript

Anger is an emotion, and emotions are messengers. Okay, when we feel angry that lets us know that our boundaries have been crossed in some way. Now there are two types of boundary crossings. One is a violation of intrusion. If this is the boundary, somebody's crossed it. They've done something physical, they've done something sexual, they've said something verbally. It's tangible. Okay. Then there are violations of distance, where if this is the boundary, this is the behavior, and the person isn't even coming close. Now when somebody crosses our boundaries and it's a violation of intrusion, the natural response is anger, and other people can understand our anger because of what we have experienced. When a violation is one of distance it's a lot harder to get support because you're describing a state of something that did not happen, that should have happened. When it comes to anger, it's all about channeling it to the right person for the right reason to the right degree. So when we're talking about anger management most people don't do that. They let their anger build. So, instead of dealing with the isolated problem it ends up spilling out into other areas of their life, and onto other people and it affects other situations. The best thing that you could do with your anger is to work through it on your own and, or with the person who made you feel angry. Now again, everyone is doing the very best they can with what they've got. When you're in a relationship with somebody and they've crossed your boundary, it's your responsibility to let them know. It's not their responsibility to know that about you. Everybody has different boundaries. Everybody has different guidelines. So your responsibility in the relationship is to let the person know that they've crossed your boundary. A healthy relationship requires somebody who is willing and able to do things differently. If you find yourself in a relationship with somebody who keeps crossing your boundaries, and they're not willing, and or able to do it differently, then the advice is to get out of the relationship. But if you find yourself in a relationship where you're able to clearly communicate, you know this was the boundary that you crossed and next time I'd really appreciate if you'd do this or if you didn't do that and that's respected and that person changes their behavior, anger actually becomes an opportunity for two people to grow closer together.

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