Simon: Hey Donny, I see you're back at our bar again and I like that, repeat customers. You're drinking a beer my friend, but you look like a man of class. You like a bottle of champagne, don't you?
Donny: Why wouldn't I? Of course.
Simon: Now I've taken a couple of drinks off you before.
Donny: Yes, you have.
Simon: As I do, but I'm going to tell you how to get a bottle of champagne for free.
Donny: That would be beautiful.
Simon: Actually I'll tell you two ways.
Donny: All right.
Simon: Girlfriend of mine and I; lovely girl; she and I used to go to bars about 11:30 at night, not too swanky a bar, not a dive bar, just right in the middle. And we would walk into the bar, my friend, kissing and cuddling as you do and loudly announce to the bar that we just got engaged. And 75% of the time, a bottle of champagne comes out for us. The worst that will happen is that you'll get three or four drinks on the house to celebrate the newly engaged couple.
Donny: That is a beautiful move.
Simon: We got engaged a lot.
Donny: I bet you did.
Simon: I think I wore one cubic zirconium ring out actually and we have yet to get another one. But what if you're by yourself and you want a bottle of champagne in a bar? Do you want to see how to do it?
Simon: It might cost you a bottle of champagne, my friend.
Donny: I'm ready.
Simon: But you'll be able to win a lot from your friends.
Donny: I bet I will.
Simon: After you learn the secret. Gina, my fantastic lady, a bottle of champagne. It's not the best bottle of champagne, but I guess it'll do. If you're going to do this for real, go for a bottle of Cristal.
Donny: Dom Perignon.
Simon: Dom Perignon, yeah. Go for something good. This bottle will do nicely. Here's what you do, my friend. You ask for a bottle of champagne from the bar, just to look at it. And you go, "Yeah, you know, I didn't think it was possible. My old buddy, Peter told me it was possible. And he told me how he did it. I didn't think it was until I looked at that bottle right now, and I think its possible." And then you turn away, leaving the bottle, teasingly in front of them, and sip your beer.
Until they ask you and they will, "What's possible?" And you say, "Well, you know I wasn't going to tell you, but he said you could take a drink from this bottle without taking off any of this stuff. Without taking off the wire and without uncorking the bottle." I said "Well that's easy, you break the bottle, right? And he said "No, no, no. Note the bottle has to stay intact, but you can take a drink from it without doing anything."
And that, my friends, is when you turn back to your drink and start sipping again. Until they ask you and they will, "How do you do it?" And you'll say, "Well, it cost me a bottle of champagne to learn the secret. So Donny, if you want to know the secret you'll pony up for that bottle of champagne. I'll tell you what my friend, because I like you, I'll even give you a little glass of it with me.
Donny: I'll go for that.
Simon: But you've got to pony up for the bottle.
Donny: I'll go for it, I'll go for it.
Simon: You see, its all about the wording of the bet. I said I'll take a drink from the bottle. Every bottle of champagne and indeed some wines these days, but its always wise to get the bottle to check, has a dimple in the bottom. It's something to do with the way the bottle effervesce. Perfect. You turn the bottle upside down, you pour some beer into the dimple. I have now taken a drink from that bottle and left it perfectly intact. And that's two ways to get free champagne. I am currently a champagne addict and have won over 2000 bottles of champagne on that bet alone, allegedly.
Donny: That was beautiful. Well, I owe you a bottle of champagne.