Simon: Your boy looks like a drinking guy.
Jillian: I would say so.
Simon: Is he a bit of a. . .?
Peter: You're pretty right. I am.
Simon: Yeah, you're one of those guys that gets up in the morning and reaches under the bed for a beer, aren't you?
Peter: I can never say no to a beer.
Simon: Thought so. How about a shot, then?
Peter: Can't say no to a shot.
Simon: Can you knock them back quick?
Peter: Depends, maybe.
Simon: Pretty quick?
Jillian: Depends on the shot.
Peter: Yeah, it depends on the shot.
Simon: We did bring up your favorites here. We've got three shots and I've got three pints of beer.
Simon: A little betcha coming up. Did you guess?
Jillian: Of course.
Peter: Yeah, it was coming up.
Simon: You knew, didn't you, Jillian? She's very smart.
Peter: Smart cookie.
Simon: Unlike you, who would ride on the little yellow bus. Here's our little betcha. I'm prepared to bet you I can drink those three pints of beer before you can drink those three shots.
Peter: You can't do it. You can't do it.
Simon: There is one caveat to the bet.
Peter: Of course.
Simon: You knew that was coming.
Simon: But it's a simple one, because I don't want you to say to Jillian, "Hey, grab one of his beers and run away and hide it," because this isn't a game of hide and go seek.
Peter: You stole my plan.
Simon: This is a game of speed, my friend. This is a game of speed. The only rule is, you're not allowed to touch the other player's glasses. You can't touch mine, I can't touch yours. That's a fair thing, right?
Peter: Right, right, yeah.
Jillian: Seems fair.
Simon: By the way, of course If I win, you pay for all the drinks.
Peter: All of these?
Simon: Yeah, but if you win, look at those little tiny shot glasses. What about the children, the baby children? Little tiny shot glasses against these three pints of beer. If I lose, I pay for all the drinks and I buy Jillian's drinks all night.
Jillian: I like that idea.
Simon: Yeah? Ready to go for it, my friend?
Peter: I'll try it.
Simon: Here's the deal, my friends at home, this is all about how you set up the bet. It's sneaky. It's all in the setup. He can't touch my glasses. I can't touch his. He doesn't realize what I'm going to do, but I do. You see, you've got to remember one thing, you innocent, naive viewers at home, that I teach you everything you know, but I don't teach you everything that I know. Here's what you do. He goes for his first shot, I go for my first beer. All you've got to be able to do is drink a pint of beer very quickly, like this.
Peter: You blocked me.
Simon: Now he's not allowed to touch my glass. So I can spend the rest of the night enjoying my drinks with Jillian, while you try to work out. . .
Peter: A way to get. . .
Simon: . . .just how the heck you're going to get a straw under there. And that, my friends is how you can get a lot of drinks for absolutely no money, which is my favorite way to do it.