Simon: Now, wee darling.
Simon: You've lost a lot of money tonight.
Woman: I have. It's been a long day.
Simon: So I'm going to give you a 50/50 bet.
Simon: Just so you know, I can lose and you can win.
Simon: I'm going to take a little book of matches here. I'm going to put one match there and then I'm going to put one match on the other side. So it looks like a little go-cart thing.
Woman: Yeah, a little alien.
Simon: Yeah. A little alien thing, yeah. And then I'm going to stick another match between those two matches, like that. Now here's our little 50/50 bet. And there's no way I can affect this, because you know I can't affect the laws of physics. I'm going to let you light that match in the middle.
Simon: Like, right there.
Simon: And I'll give you another match to do it with and here's our bet. You have to bet which side is going to set fire to the other match first. You can have left or right, I don't mind.
Woman: Okay, I'm going to say left.
Simon: So you're going for this left or that left?
Woman: Yeah, this left.
Simon: That left. Okay, so stage left.
Simon: So I'll light this match.
Woman: Now in the middle here?
Simon: Yeah, and I'll bet you I'll win. Even though I gave you a completely free choice, okay? You can pull it away now. It's on . Oh, look what a shame. It pounced out.
Woman: Is that what usually happens?
Simon: It's what always happens, darling.
Woman: Always happens? How's come?
Simon: Do you think I would give you a chance to win?
Woman: No, I don't know.
Simon: It's because you burned the middle of it and it was springy, so it goes off. And that, after you've given me all of your money, you walk down the road with your shopping cart going, "Oh, I've got to go and collect some more bottles to make some more money and bet Simon something."