Harrison Tweed: Stop, stop, stop, stop. This is no hickey zone. So basically what you just saw and hopefully don't see, okay.
Maya Klausner: That might actually come up by morning.
Harrison: That might actually be a hickey. You never want a hickey. They are awful, so you never want to give a hickey. If you have ever given a hickey, you should feel ashamed of yourself. Like, take a good look in the mirror, because that is not the way to live your life. So having said that, if you do have a time where you have a hickey, it is a very big problem to have a hickey. Because it's visible, it looks sort of like a bruise and it's obvious that someone just wasn't very good at making out with you. So there's a lot of problems with it. I actually have a story of a time when someone tried to remedy it. I don't know if I've told you this. But one time...
Maya: Either way, I'd love to hear it now.
Harrison: Okay, great. So once in high school, I had this strange hookup in my senior year and this girl just went like a polar bear and a penguin.
Maya: She just went for the gold.
Harrison: Yeah, it was just torn up. So I went to this pharmacy because I was in the drugstore, and I wanted something to cover it up. I was talking to this guy and it was this giant Samoan man. He was just a giant with a huge, long hair in a pony tail. I was like, "Do you know anything that could cover this up?" He was like, "I mean you can use makeup, but what I recommend is going to a car wash and getting one of those industrial-sized vacuum cleaners and just putting it around the hickey. Then just tell all your friends that you were messing around with a vacuum cleaner and it just happened."
Maya: Well, how did it actually work out? Did you tell people that you had used with a vacuum?
Harrison: I told my mom that I fell on my neck.
Maya: Totally believable.
Harrison: And she was like, "That is worse than a hickey."
Maya: If a hickey should happen, you know as an inadvertent result of passion. You're not going to go to the police about, you know? But if someone is clearly trying to conscientiously leave a mark on you, you've got to cut it out. You've got to "no hickey zone." You know Twilight's in right now. It is the age of the vampiric trend, for some reason. They're hot. They're pale. They like to suck on the neck.
Now they've got a lot good things going on. That's where it ends. Basically, what a hickey is and this isn't the conventional reason, it's applying your mouth to someone's neck, creating a lot of suction to the point where you've left a bruise. That might have been good, I don't know in the 80's? I don't know if there was ever a time or if there was ever a decade where it was okay.
But really what you're doing is you're not even really kissing. You're just kind of sucking and slobbering, and unless you are from the Twilight cast, it's not recommended. It is not a sexy look. You don't need it as a life force to stay alive. It's probably going to kill the mood and practically that's what it is. Some people like to leave them in different areas of the body. That's personal. I would say, avoid this region in general. It leaves someone in a bit of a social pickle on the neck, for being on them.