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How to Be a More Confident Flirt

Learn how to be a more confident flirt in this Howcast video.


Rachel DeAlto: Confidence is the number one thing you need when you're flirting.

Hunt Ethridge: Absolutely. In general.

Rachel: By far. Well, in general, but especially if you're going to put yourself out there and want someone to be attracted to you. Attraction comes from confidence.

Hunt: Yeah.

Rachel: And people are all attracted to confident people.

Hunt: Absolutely.

Rachel: So not everybody's confident.

Hunt: Well, and how do you get confidence? It's very tough, you know.

Rachel: Well, you know, it's something that I talk a lot about in my book, because I feel like regardless of where you start from everybody that's having trouble dating or flirting has some sort of confidence issue. . .

Hunt: Right.

Rachael: that needs to be built up a little bit. So I start with affirmations.

Hunt: Okay. What's an example of an affirmation?

Rachel: An affirmation is something that is either something you believe in about yourself or something you aspire to be. So you could have an affirmation of, 'I am flirt-worthy. I am beautiful. I am funny. I am intelligent.' These are things that you can tell yourself and build up your confidence, because your words have power.

Hunt: Absolutely.

Rachel: And that's something I believe in a hundred percent.

Hunt: Oh, yeah. And a lot of the things I teach my clients it's all mental gymnastics. So you get yourself in a place that you are able to open up, and we say that there are four things that women look for in a guy. And the number one is confidence. And you've really got to get out there. For me, the way that I learned to come at confidence is to learn to have no fear of failure. Because really, you didn't fail at it. You attempted something, and it didn't work. You know, you went up and talked to someone. It was a non-starter. That's fine. It has nothing to do with you.

Rachel: Absolutely not.

Hunt: It had nothing to do with anything inside of you. It just happened to be not working right then. And when you can then, "Oh, no big deal. It didn't happen. You know, no big worry," and go up and continue to do it, when you talk to someone you're not nervous about how is this going to go. And when you just can go in going, "Let's see what happens here," it gives you that sense to be able to breathe out.

Rachel: Take away the expectations.

Hunt: Exactly.

Rachel: You get the right attitude that this is for fun. You're here to have fun and see what happens. Another thing that I think is so important for people to build their confidence is to eliminate the negativity in your life. Because if they're not building you up, they're bringing you down.

Hunt: Yep.

Rachel: So if you have a lot of people in your life that are negative, or you just, you hang out with them and sometimes you always feel like they're just not in your corner, or they're not there for you, these people are literally sucking your confidence out. So if you surround yourself by positive people, you're immediately going to get more confidence because you're enjoying life. So it really goes beyond flirting.

Hunt: Yep.

Rachel: It's a little deeper than what we're talking about.

Hunt: Oh, and kind of something that you had mentioned earlier, too, is when I'm walking down the street if somebody looks at me, I'm thinking that they're thinking, "Wow. Look at that guy." I have clients that if someone looks at them, they think, "Oh, is something in my nose?"

Rachel: Yeah.

Hunt: Or something like that. Am I right all of the time? No. Are they right all of the time? No. But which type of life would you rather have, thinking about when you walk past? It makes me feel good, and it affirms myself. I'm not always right, but I'm a much happier person because of it.

Rachel: Absolutely. So fake it 'til you make it.

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