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What to Do When Flirting Backfires

Learn what to do when your flirting backfires in this Howcast video.


- Rachel DeAlto:There's times when your flirting is not going to work, or it's going to want too work well.

- Hunt Ethridge:Nobody can bat a thousand.

- Rachel:No, so when it's not working, I like to step away respectfully, because I believe in Karma, and that it all comes back to you. So, if you're talking to somebody, and it's not flowing...

- Hunt:How do you know when it's not flowing?

- Rachel:There's no chemistry, and you're losing your attraction to them, and you're talking, and you're trying to start a conversation and the conversation's not going anywhere, just feels awkward, or they get the wrong impression, which is kind of what I was going to say before about almost over-flirting back. So, they're super touchy, or you using sexual innuendos...

- Hunt:Too soon and not really calibrated right.

- Rachel:Yeah. You've got to kind of back out of that situation. So, I call that the anti-flirt.

- Hunt:Okay.

- Rachel:And you literally work the five steps to super flirt in reverse. So, you do the body language that separates yourself from them, you come apart, instead of leaning in, you're leaning back. And then you start conversations, or continue a conversation that has nothing to do with dating or sex.

- Hunt:So, it's like putting the brakes on?

- Rachel:Putting the brakes on it, yep. Stop touching. Do not touch, if you're not in a comfortable situation, you don't want to flirt with him anymore, do not touch them, because touch is going to send a wrong signal. And then make a little less eye contact, and don't smile as much. Like I said, it's almost in reverse of everything. But, it gets them to have the idea that, "Wait a second, this isn't working out so well".

- Hunt:Gotcha

- Rachel:And then you go hide in the bathroom.

- Hunt:Well, what you are saying is what to do when it backfires is that it's mentally too. How do you react to it, and I know at least for guys, you go up and talk to someone and you might have gotten yourself all ready to go and talk to them, and I actually saw this particular one happen. My friend walks up to this girl way over his caliber, but he still walked up to her, "Hey, what's up?" She goes, "Shoo". Which was amazing just to see. Obviously, she was a unfriendly female.

- Rachel:Not a nice person.

- Hunt:But he did the correct way. He laughed it off. He thought it was hilarious that this woman was so...

- Rachel:Full of herself.

- Hunt: Full of herself, and that where other people could have been just like, "Ah, Oh my God, I'm worthless". Which is obviously not the case.

- Rachel:No.

- Hunt:It was about her, and not him. He did the correct thing. Laughed it off, realized and took it for what it was and then by the end of the night he was talking to somebody else, and that's the thing too is, don't get on yourself. Allow yourself to bounce back. Allow yourself to get back on that horse and realize, it's not about you, it was a non-starter at the moment.

- Rachel:And you know what, everything is a practice. Everything's going to give you more practice for some other situation and then it's going to work better. So, take it as the lesson that it is. He learned that, that was not a girl he wants to date.

- Hunt:Exactly.

- Rachel:And, the next time he approaches someone and they're receptive, you will be like, "You know what, that's a nice girl".

- Hunt:The way that I made it easy for myself, and something I'm fascinated with people. I believe that every person you meet has something to teach you. Whether it's 30 seconds or 30 years, and it's our job to figure out what it is. So, when I go up and talk to someone, and if doesn't go well, I still feel like a win, because I got better. I learned and I got something out of it. Yes, so I became fuller as a person. And, if you keep that mentality no matter what happens, you still grew as a person.

- Rachel:So, okay. If they're coming on too strong, you anti-flirt. If they're not coming on at all, you learned something.

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