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How to Overcome Anger about an Affair

Learn how to overcome your anger over a partner's affair from couples counselor Victoria Wilson, Ph.D. in this Howcast video.


Is it possible to overcome your anger about your partner's affair? Well, it's a difficult question. Anger is a natural human emotion and response to an insult and response to a loss, so to some extent you will feel anger and it's a natural feeling. What you want to do is not to overcome your anger, but perhaps to reduce your anger, to reduce the intensity of it. One of the ways to do it is to realize that we're all fallible human beings. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. We're just imperfect by design. We tend to err. We tend to make horrible mistakes sometimes; all of us do. And realizing that may help you gain a little bit more of a perspective on how your partner felt. The other thing is develop compassion, realizing that your partner is suffering as well. They are suffering from the guilt, they're suffering from the fear, from the heartbreak, perhaps from the relationship loss, losing this relationship, losing your trust. So, having compassion for your partner, realizing that they're in pain as well helps to overcome some of this anger. Talking to other people, perhaps getting into a support group helps as well. Reading up on this, which we call bibliotherapy, or self-help reading helps a lot. And of course, therapy is always helpful whenever we talk about anger management and reducing other negative emotions.

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