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How to Get Laid

It’s the reason you were created. You might as well start practicing.


  • Step 1: For girls If you are a female... get laid. If you are a male, proceed to step 2.
  • Step 2: For gays If you are a homosexual... get laid. If you are a heterosexual male, proceed to step 3.
  • Step 3: For guys Locate a woman. Don't just stand there - manipulate your lips and tongue to create "words," which, if formed correctly, will put the woman at ease and communicate to her that you are an affable person who knows how to speak.
  • Step 4: Use words Use the 'words' to talk about your massive pectoral muscles, collection of expensive sports cars, or your successful career as a multi-hyphenate firefighter-rock star-surgeon/astronaut. Now, get laid. Should you find these topics of conversation inapplicable, continue to step 5.
  • Step 5: Make a date Go ahead and start checking for any signs of encouragement that it would be appropriate for conversation to continue. If you’re getting the green light, suggest reuniting with the woman at a later date.
  • Step 6: Don’t mince words Convey to the woman in question that you would make an acceptable sexual partner. This can take weeks, months, and even years, so don’t mince words.
  • Step 7: Get laid Get laid.
  • Step 8: Repeat Repeat.
  • FACT: The people of Earth "get laid" roughly 120 million times every single day. Please: do it responsibly.

You Will Need

  • A functioning pair of genitals
  • Consent
  • Standards (optional)

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