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How to Fake an Orgasm

Whether you want to spare an inept partner’s feelings or you just want to bring things to a close, here’s how to fake the orgasm of your life.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Moan gently Start off by moaning gently a few times. Keep your eyes half-open and your face neutral.
  • Step 2: Offer encouragement As you moan, offer a few words of encouragement, like a breathless, 'yes, yes' or 'that feels so good.'
  • Step 3: Kick it up Gradually get louder. Moan more aggressively. Breathe harder and faster.
  • TIP: The key word is 'gradually.' If you skip from content murmuring to screams of sexual ecstasy, your performance won’t just be fake—it’ll be downright insulting.
  • Step 4: Make faces As you progress, make more intense faces—bite your lip, open your mouth, furrow your brow, grit your teeth.
  • Step 5: Move around Make sure you move around—this is a full-body performance. 'Involuntarily' jerking your legs is a nice touch. Just don’t make it look you’re having an epileptic fit.
  • TIP: Make sure you have time to fake your orgasm before your partner climaxes—especially since the kind of guy you need to fake it with is probably also 'fast on the draw.'
  • Step 6: Announce it Announce your imminent bliss with a breathless, 'Oh God, I’m almost there!'
  • Step 7: Go for it Squeeze your partner extra-tightly and pretend you’ve lost all ability to control yourself—scream, thrash around, go intensely quiet, draw in quick, short breaths—whatever you do when you’re actually having an orgasm.
  • Step 8: Include him While you fake it, scream out that you want him to orgasm, too. Guys like that.
  • Step 9: Compliment incoherently When you’re done, immediately compliment his lovemaking skills with gasping incoherence, like: 'That was… you… I… uh… amazing.'
  • Step 10: Linger Linger afterward. The best actors stay in character even when the camera isn’t rolling.
  • FACT: According to a survey of 15,000 sexually active adults, 72% of women and 24% of men have faked an orgasm.

You Will Need

  • Acting skills
  • Good timing

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