- Step 1: Sex them up Make your vows sexy. Say things that make everyone—old and young alike—cringe with embarrassment.
- Step 2: Hone your standup act Treat your vows like a stand-up routine.
- Step 3: Include inside jokes Include lots of inside jokes. Who cares if no one at the service knows what the hell you’re talking about? This day is about you.
- Step 4: Wax poetic Set your vows in iambic pentameter. Everyone loves amateur poetry.
- Step 5: Make them gag Make your promises so touchy-feely, lovey-dovey, ooey, gooey, that your loved ones want to gag.
- Step 6: Break into song For truly memorable vows, break into song—preferably one you wrote yourself.
- Step 7: Make it lengthy Make your vows as long as possible. Hey, you may not have a captive audience like this ever again.
- FACT: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s wedding vows included a promise to make milkshakes. The marriage lasted four years.
You Will Need
- No shame