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How to Achieve Intimacy in Your Sex Life

Everyone wants a good sex life, but it's hard to have great sex without intimacy. There are steps you can take to gain a higher level of intimacy in your sex life.


  • Step 1: Do it with the lights on. If either of you is embarrassed or ashamed of your bodies, your level of intimacy will suffer. Compliment something about your partner's body that you sincerely love to set them at ease.
  • Step 2: Keep some things to yourself. Intimacy doesn't mean you have to tell your partner everything. They don't need to know intimate details about your past partners. Employ a don't ask, don't tell policy and you'll both feel more comfortable, and you'll both have a more intimate sex life.
  • FACT: 84 percent of men who responded to "The _Cosmo_ Sex Survey" in 2010 said that sex is better when there's an emotional connection.
  • TIP: If you're embarrassed or concentrating too hard to talk, give physical cues.
  • Step 3: Communicate your wants and needs. Be honest with yourself and your partner. You can't get the most out of sexual intimacy if either of you is focused exclusively on the other. Give direction -- faster, slower, harder, more gently, right there.
  • Step 4: Get past thinking that certain sexual acts are forbidden or dirty, and have an open mind. Such attitudes will seriously limit your enjoyment of sex and also limit potentially satisfying activities. The closer you are with each other, the less guilt or shame you'll feel.
  • TIP: If your partner wants to try something that you've never done before or aren't comfortable with, talk about it first at a time when you're alone but not having sex.
  • Step 5: Slow it down. Be patient and take the time to enjoy each other's bodies. Moan and groan freely -- let your partner know that you're enjoying yourself, and that they're responsible.
  • Step 6: Maintain a high level of intimacy in the other areas of your relationship. Be emotionally and mentally connected to your partner. Share more than just sex with each other -- share yourselves. When you engage in sex, you'll experience not just your pleasure, but your partner's pleasure, too.

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