How to Be a Well-Behaved Drunk

Being smashed is no excuse for rude behavior. These tips will let you keep your tequila and your dignity.

Step 1: Well-behaved drunks don't leave stains, so stick with clear drinks that are less likely to ruin carpets and clothes if they're spilled. Avoid handling greasy foods for the same reason.
Step 2: If you're about to lose your lunch, find a receptacle. Try to make it to the toilet or a sink; if that proves impossible, hurl into something. Because a well-behaved drunk keeps their vomit to themselves.
FACT: The more intelligent Americans are in their childhood, the more alcohol they consume as young adults.
Step 3: Pass on the coffee. Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine won't sober you up; it will just make you a more high-strung drunk.
Step 4: Don't sing or dance. Being boozed up may cause you to believe you possess more talent than you really do.
Step 5: One of the most important parts of being a well-behaved drunk is watching what you say. Before you get drunk, remind yourself that when you are drunk, you will need to edit your thoughts before you voice them.
Step 6: Go ahead and tell everyone you love them, if that's what you need to do. Just refrain from showing too much affection.
TIP: Increase the personal space between yourself and others; drunks tend to spit when they talk.
: Don't drink unless you're of legal age. Drink responsibly, and never drink and drive.

How to Sabotage Your Ex's Happy Valentine's Day