How to Convince Your Mother to Let You Plan Your Own Wedding

Traditionally, the mother-of-the-bride helps plan the wedding, so letting her know she's not needed may be tricky. Here's how to soften the blow.


  • Step 1: Pick your battles. If she insists on doing something her way, consider letting it go if it won't interfere too much with your plans and could possibly spare your relationship.
  • Step 2: Hire a wedding planner. At least you'll have someone in your corner when dealing with mom.
  • FACT: A survey by The Knot, Inc. found the average couple spent more than $12,000 on a reception venue in 2009.
  • Step 3: Humor her by asking to look at her wedding photos and asking questions about the choices she made for her big day. This may appease her enough to let you do your own thing.
  • TIP: Avoid open-ended questions so she can't try to alter your thought process.
  • Step 4: Put together samples of your ideas to show her your very specific vision. If she can visualize it, she may be more accepting.
  • Step 5: Include her by giving her tasks of lesser importance to you or tasks with specific instructions.
  • Step 6: Ask for her opinion on various decisions, but phrase your questions carefully. Give her two choices you're deciding between and have her weigh in to feel like she had a say. But don't feel obligated to go with her selection.
  • Step 7: Foot the bill for the wedding and it'll be hard for your mother to argue that she has a significant say in planning.

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