How To "Enhance" Your Resume

Turn seven months of professional dishwashing into a lucrative position at a fast-paced company.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Be sure to give a copy of the finished product to anyone listed as a reference so they can familiarize themselves with your fabrications and begin answering their phone with the name of your fictitious employer.
  • FACT: A survey of professional recruiters showed that job seekers most often embellish in the area of accomplishments (37%), followed by job description (29%) and salary history (25%).
  • Step 2: Pick "personal interests" that set you apart from the pack and are too boring for anyone to care to check. Claim you run 20 miles a day, or that you won the National Book Award in 1974.
  • Step 3: Adjust any details of your real job history that you never liked or always thought were unfair. If getting lunch every day for your boss was part of your job, claim you were involved in "culinary engineering."
  • Step 4: Modify your employment history to include at least one company that famously has gone down in flames, such as Enron. This guarantees sympathy and makes it nearly impossible to verify your past.
  • Step 5: Concoct a stirring narrative of what you did at your fake employer, including your job title, responsibilities, accomplishments, and salary. A large fake salary is actually more believable than a small one.
  • Step 6: Tweak your education credentials. Never attended college? Make one up. Went to a bad college? Claim you went somewhere obscure and hard-to-verify. If you were a straight-up 2.0 student, make it a 3.5. Mention a few fake honors to sweeten the deal.

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