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How To Kill Time in a Boring Meeting

An endless meeting: all the fun of the SATs and all the productivity of being in a coma. We'll help you plan your escape.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Go to the barthoom when things get unbearable. Apolegetically mouth to whoever looks up that you need to visit the restroom. Twenty minutes later, reenter the meeting looking faintly embarrassed and queezy. Trust us: No one will ask.
  • Step 2: Reexamine the food items that you declined when the meeting started. Deliberate at length between a croissant and a doughnut , and then decide on just a cup of water.
  • Step 3: Act surprised when the call arrives that you are needed elsewhere, and enjoy your hard-fought freedom.
  • FACT: According to a Microsoft survey, the average American manager spends 5.5 hours per week in meetings, and 69% of respondents felt that meetings weren't productive.
  • Step 4: Amuse yourself by using your cell phone to sneak pictures of participants dozing off, yawning, and rolling their eyes. But stay covert!
  • TIP: If you're already ambidextrous, then practice writing backwards.
  • Step 5: Make arrangements to have someone call for you during the meeting, claiming a vague-but-plausable emergency that only you can fix.
  • Step 6: The right seat is essential - You don't want to sit too close to the speaker, or near any props that might require your participation. Try to position yourself near an exit.
  • Step 7: Notebook in lap, peer down studiously as if you are taking copious notes. At the top of a clean sheet of paper, write down any word with at least 8 letters in it. Now see how many smaller words you can create from it. Anything to stay awake.
  • Step 8: Try to write with your opposite hand. If you get desperate, play a game of tic-tac-toe in which your left hand is "o" and your right hand is "x."
  • Step 9: Review the agenda beforehand so you can plan effectively. Save that trip to the bathroom for when things go from bad to worse.

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