How would you like to ruin Valentine's Day for your former love and their new paramour? Let us count the ways.
- Step 1: Post something on your ex's Facebook Wall that will make their current lover believe that you two recently had sex.
- Step 2: Call around town to see if your ex has dinner reservations for Valentine's Day. If so, cancel them. Better yet, show up at the restaurant and serenade the happy couple with an angry tune about your ex's many, many faults.
- Step 3: Send either your ex or their new love -- whoever's more gullible -- flowers with a note instructing them to forget the existing happy Valentine's Day plans and meet you at the airport instead -- with a bag of beach clothes! They'll both think they've been stood up, and the one expecting an island vacation will really be pissed off.
- Step 4: While your ex and their date are otherwise occupied, rub down their car with a stinky food, like Asian fermented shrimp paste or Limburger cheese, which has the aroma of flatulence mixed with feet. They won't know where the god-awful smell is coming from -- but with any luck, your ex will fall under suspicion.
- TIP: Be sure to rub some under the door handles.
- Step 5: Hide outside your ex's home with an air horn. When you can tell from the lights going off that your ex and their new flame have retired to the bedroom to get down to business, blast away. Happy Valentine's Day!
- FACT: 71 percent of people polled said they think about their ex too much.