How to Sit Through Football if You Don't Like Football

Stuck watching a game you have zero interest in? Make the time fly with these amusements and diversionary tactics.

Instructions

• Step 1: Sneak in some exercise that people won't notice, like butt clenches, pelvic squeezes, and abdominal contractions. You might as well tone up a bit if you have to sit through football even though you don't like football.
• Step 2: Eat your weight in whatever goodies are being served during the game. After all, you're balancing the calories with those exercises you're sneaking in. And you can always diet tomorrow.
• FACT: 44 percent of American football fans are female.
• Step 3: Mention a football-related controversy or scandal that's been in the news; sparking a spirited debate will help you sit through football if you don't like football.
• TIP: Anytime a flag is thrown at the beginning of a play, ask, "Was that a false start?"
• Step 4: Have a drink before the game. Getting a head start on your buzz is crucial to sitting through football if you're not into it.
• Step 5: Put money on the game; it makes the most boring event compelling. If you can't afford to bet cash, wager something else, like who has clean up.
• Step 6: Know the 2 basic types of offensive plays -- a running play, where a player runs with the ball, and a passing play, where the quarterback throws the ball to a receiver. Whichever play the team runs, argue that they should have done the opposite.
• : Don’t drink unless you’re of legal age. Drink responsibly, and never drink and drive.