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How To Trade Up Your Prom Date

You say you want to trade in your prom date for someone better? Shame on you! Okay, here’s what you need to do.

Instructions

  • Step 1: If the person insists on risking it—as ugly, noble people are wont to do—wait a day or two and then explain that the likelihood you’ll have to cancel is now 99%.
  • Step 2: Insist that they find a replacement. This is critical. You can’t very well show up at the prom with your sleeker model if your first date is resolutely remaining free for you. Well, you can, but that would be cruel. Oh, shut up.
  • Step 3: Hone your acting skills so you can pretend to be wistful when your “emergency” clears up and you end up at the prom with your “second choice.” Now go enjoy your date!
  • FACT: When picking a date for the prom, more teens value looks (at 53%) over a date who is fun (41%) or rich (5%).
  • TIP: It’s important that you not cancel outright; you want the person to believe that you had no idea you’d be able to attend until the very last minute.
  • Step 4: Time to begin dumping date number one. Invent a reason why you might not be able to make it to the prom, and tell your date you’d feel better if he or she found someone else.
  • Step 5: Scout around for someone better looking. Target mean students who will relish the idea of you dumping someone for them.
  • TIP: Pretend that you are positively torn up over the idea of hurting someone to attend the prom with them. You’ll get more attractive by the minute.
  • Step 6: Seal the deal with your higher quality date before you go messing around with your prior commitment. Indeed, make sure you’re not _their_ sure thing that they hope to trade in for a sleeker model.
  • Step 7: Ask someone—anyone!—to the prom. You’ll instantly become more attractive to others once you have a date.

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